Image from In the Spirit

Many years ago, as a young teacher in Hong Kong, some of my colleagues and I practised a Friday ritual of ‘Happy Hours’ at the local ‘Someplace Else’. As there were four of us, it wasn’t long before we got dubbed the ‘gang of four’. You can’t accuse us of not being culturally (and historically) relevant.

It was in the midst of one of those ‘happy hours’ (two drinks for the price of one) and possibly on my second pina colada when the question arose in my mind “How do you know when you’ve reached your limit at anything (not just alcohol)?”. You’ll be pleased to know that along with the question, the answer also presented itself which prompted me to ask my ‘happy’ and earnest colleagues the question.

Several responses were provided but none of them were correct. In exasperation, they growled at me to tell them. I did and it had a momentarily sobering effect on all of us. I said ‘momentarily’.

Well, would you like to suggest an answer? Of course, I am bringing this up in the context of Lao Tze’s advice of the effects of excesses from my previous post. Anyway, do give it a go. I’d love to see what you come up with!

Lucy Lopez
Learning the Wisdom of the Tao post by post

12. Substance

Too much color blinds the eye

Too much music deafens the ear

Too much taste dulls the palate

Too much play maddens the mind

Too much desire tears the heart

In this manner the sage cares for people

He provides for the belly not for the senses

He ignores abstraction and holds fast to substance

Translation variously sourced and compiled at www.chinapage.com

Are these words to counsel for moderation in all things?  Why is it that we are wired up for moderation, for balance? Seems like an odd question to ask and yet, why must we moderate our lives, in all aspects?

It is as if the entire universe observes the principles of homeostasis.  When you go too far in one direction, there is a self-regulating mechanism that kicks in to redress the imbalance.  But why is it an imbalance?  Why can’t we just remain at one end, in one polarity?

Perhaps it is because our potential is widely distributed over infinite possibilities and when we focus only on some, we deny the rest and that interferes with our ability to flow fully and freely in Source, in the Way.

But Lao Tze is not just talking about moderation.  In fact, what he says here has less to do with moderation than it does with anchoring ourselves to the ground of being, to ‘substance’.  Substance is beyond abstractions or dualities or polarities.  It is beyond the flimsiness of sensations.  Substance is free, limitless and whole.  Substance is the true source of life.

Ah, that I be anchored in substance!

Lucy Lopez

Learning to live the wisdom of the Tao post by post!

11. Tools

Thirty spokes meet at a nave

Because of the hole, we may use the wheel

Clay is molded into a vessel

Because of the hollow, we may use the cup

Walls are built around a hearth

Because of the doors, we may use the house

Thus tools come from what exists

But use from what does not.

Translation variously sourced and compiled at www.chinapage.com

This one has stumped me.  Tools are material and have form.  Uses, on the other hand, are immaterial and, from the examples Lao Tze gives us here, fulfill or make use of potential.  In all these examples, the potential is found in space. Yet, space is everywhere.  Some space is occupied by material and visible things.  But there is a lot of space that is not occupied by material or visible things.

Even when you get into the subatomic level, much of what has been traditionally described as ‘matter’ is in fact made up of space.  Is Lao Tze therefore talking about the potentiality that is always present?  Of creative energy that is always present and that we might be pointed to again and again with each new ‘thing’ that we create? Because each new thing, each tool, holds potential?

I wonder.  Do you have any idea?

Lucy Lopez

Learning to live the wisdom of the Tao post by post!

Nurturing your children, you become impartial

I used to tell my children when they seemed to need reassurance that I did not love one more than the other but that I expressed my love differently to each because each was unique.

It is sometimes easy to fall into the trap that it is possible to love someone more than another.  How can that be?  Love is beyond the thinking mind’s notions of bias, partiality, merit and demerit.  It’s simply not possible to love more or love less.  These vagaries have nothing to do with love.

To love is to be in the field of freedom, free from all conditionality, even the subtlest.  Anything else is not love.

Lucy Lopez

Learning to live the wisdom of the Tao post by post!

‘Clearing your mind, you become clear’.

The mind is the powerhouse of our being.  It brings the physical world into being.  Everything without exception is the result of the mind at work. Only a very small amount of this work is done consciously.  The majority of it is done with little awareness i.e. unconsciously or subconsciously.  The Buddha observed

With our thoughts we create the world.

So it makes sense to keep the mind clear.  When the mind is clear, I am clear.  And I see a clearer world.  I see less of what troubles me and more of what sustains me.

Isn’t this denial?  Bad things and bad people exist.

Has it ever occurred to you that without your mind, you would not see ‘bad things’ or ‘bad people’?  Your mind is the common factor.

But Hitler did exist.  Mugabe is bad.  People do kill and rape and embezzle and lie.

Right.  And how does holding all this in your mind help you live more peacefully, more joyfully, more trustingly, more lovingly.

It doesn’t.

So, then, clear your mind of all that does not serve its well being and you will become clear.

Lucy Lopez

Learning to live the wisdom of the Tao post by post!

Image from Google images

‘Breathing gently, you become newborn’

Ah, I see.  A newborn does breathe gently, almost imperceptibly.  Does that mean that if I breathe harshly, furiously, I do not become newborn?  Why not?

Every state is created by a unique set of conditions.  The state of ‘newborn’ must also have its unique set of conditions, one of which is gentle breathing.  So I breathe gently for I wish to become newborn.  And I notice that as I breathe gently, my cares and concerns dissipate.  My preoccupations melt like the wax of a burning candle.  I am stripped of all burdens, free of thinking!

I rest in a consciousness of awareness, noticing things around me, within me but not reacting to any of it.  Even when I breathe deeply, I am breathing gently.  My mind ceases to judge, content to remain aware without getting involved.  The world is perfect as it is.

I like breathing gently.  I like becoming newborn.  Have you ever tried it?

Lucy Lopez

Learning to live the wisdom of the Tao post by post!

You have just recovered from days of pain and discomfort.  You’ve risen from the dead.  What did you leave behind?  What have you brought back?

I left my hurts behind, my frustrations and feelings of victimization.  I left my regrets and my guilts behind.  I left my helplessness and despair behind.  I have left an aching body and watering eyes behind.

I have brought back a stronger body, hope, fresh eyes, tenderness, new visions, joyful dreams, more faith, a willingness to say “I don’t know.  It’s confusing.  I sense injustice”, and to leave it at that.

And in doing that, perhaps I am a little more able to ‘accept the world’ and thus ‘embrace the Way’.  Perhaps.

10. Harmony

Embracing the Way, you become embraced

Breathing gently, you become newborn

Clearing your mind, you become clear

Nurturing your children, you become impartial

Opening your heart, you become accepted

Accepting the world, you embrace the Way

Bearing and nurturing

Creating but not owning

Giving without demanding

This is harmony.

Translation variously sourced and compiled at www.chinapage.com

Perhaps I’ll be better at ‘giving without demanding’ for what would I demand?  Am I wise enough to know what to demand?  But oh, I do yearn for harmony.

Lucy Lopez

Learning to live the wisdom of the Tao post by post!

Have you had those days when you can’t help but feel a little defeated?  Maybe a lot defeated?  When almost everything you attempt just falls flat across you, obstructing your progress?  And sometimes, they might even get up and smack you one so hard you are convinced that there must be some evil omen around you or that Judgment day (even if you don’t normally believe in it) has finally arrived?

Well, I have been having a bunch of those days lately.  Let me see, to start with, it had been a couple of weeks since my telephone had stopped working.  Despite changing the batteries and getting a friend to look at it, it just would not go. People calling my number would hear it ring but at my end it remained silent. Consequently, people who needed to call me for long/longer chats had to resort to calling my mobile.  Not a cheap way of staying in touch and sure to deter many especially in these financially cautious times.

Next, I kept getting rejections or emails politely declining invitations I had sent out to a free and, what I thought was, an enchanting service.  And here I was thinking that I was going to be hit by an avalanche of eager and grateful notes of acceptance!

Late last week, the bank finally caught up with me.  I had been both dreading it and hoping it would happen.  The weight of my negative balance was getting too hard to bear.  So it was with as much regret as relief that I decided to close my account.

It wasn’t long before my body started expressing my sorry state of affairs.  My throat and nasal passage became sore and congested.  I felt a little feverish and weak.  I spent the weekend functioning on about 20% of my normal capacity.

Just yesterday, feeling a trifle better, I put a load of washing in the machine.  Some ten minutes later, a persistent beep told me something was amiss.  I checked the drum to see that no clothes were entangled in any way or that the load had not gone out of balance.  Everything seemed fine.  Well, I would have set and reset the machine at least 6 times to no avail.  I finally gave up.

This morning, I decided I would give it a fresh go.  Once again, the same thing.  This time, however, I decided to watch what was happening.  I noticed that the drum was not spinning in the final spin cycle.  I had run out of ideas now so decided I would get help.  I pulled out the warranty card for the machine realizing I had not registered it.  I thought it might be a good idea to register it first before calling for help.  Fortunately, I was able to register it online.  But first, I had to get the serial number and this required pulling the machine away from the wall to bring the number into view.

Having completed the registration, I decided to go over to my neighbor’s to make the phone call.  Something made me stop, however, and take another look at the washing machine.  For some reason, with the lid open, I ran my fingers along a plastic tube just under the back of the lid.  At this point, I noticed the drum starting to rotate.  “Well….” I thought as my face broke into a smile.  I kept running my fingers along that plastic tube ever so gently, wondering if it had anything to do with the spinning drum or if, in fact, it was the movement of the machine from the wall that might have ‘reset’ or realigned whatever had gone out of balance.  I eventually put the lid down and watched as the machine lustily spun its way to the end of the wash cycle.

It felt like a breakthrough, a critical one at that.  My body which had been racked with fever and discomfort now began to feel some relief.  Almost immediately, my thoughts went to my telephone.  I somehow sensed that I would now be able to get it working again but I decided I would take my time.  I put the washing out on the line, attended to some fresh gardening chores my Tibetan spaniel had thoughtfully left for me and then confidently picked up the phone and its rest.  I gave the rest a few taps and suddenly the whole unit sprung to life making familiar and much missed beeps and brrs.  I tested it by calling it from my mobile.  It sung out as sweetly as it had done a few weeks ago!

I knew I had come to a fresh place, a new door, a promising portal.  Well, here I am at that portal, writing this to share with you.  I’m beginning to wonder, and not for the first time in recent times, whether this aspect affectionately called ‘the universe’ by many, sometimes demands that we demonstrate our willingness to remove whatever resistance we have consciously or unconsciously placed in our own way.  In my case, I believe it was my willingness to complete a form (in order to register my washing machine).

Filling forms is something I have cultivated an unhealthy resistance to but perhaps it was this very resistance I had to remove!  It’s given me motivation to complete the sickening (figuratively and literally) backlog of forms that I have been avoiding for way too long!

Okay, it’s your turn.  Come on now, surely you have similar experiences to share?

Image from Project Gutenherg

9. Retire

Fill a cup to its brim and it is easily spilled

Temper a sword to its hardest and it is easily broken

Amass the greatest treasure and it is easily stolen

Claim credit and honour and you easily fall

Retire once your purpose is achieved – this is natural

Translation variously sourced and compiled at www.chinapage.com

I said I would take up the point about recognizing when our ‘purpose is fulfilled‘.  How do we do this?  What are the signs that we might look for to know that it is time to move on?

Many years ago, I had a well-paid job that I had carefully engineered my way into.  No, I did not do anything unethical to secure it.  I just happened to know how to put my best foot forward, so to speak, and match my qualifications and experience as tightly as I could with what the employer wanted.  It is a skill that I sill use when I help people put their resumes together and prepare for job interviews.

Without wanting to go into too many details here, I will say that I was desperately unhappy in this job.  One person in particular seemed to make my life miserable; at least that was what I believed.  Today, I realize that my misery was a choice I made, lacking in awareness as I did back then.  It was certainly not something that was forced upon me as if I were a helpless victim.

Anyway, I held on to that job because it paid well and it gave me a sense of power and purpose. Again, that was what I believed it did.  Things kept getting worse and the more I sought to retain control, the less I was able to.  It got so bad that my body started expressing my fears, my rapid loss of control and my increasing sense of resentment and injustice.  I would frequently feel nauseous and my skin broke out in what looked like blisters except that they were rather dense and could not be punctured.

I knew deep down that I should leave but I was afraid to.  I didn’t know if I would get another job like that. I was afraid to lose whatever it was I thought I had – financial security, prestige, power.  Each morning I went to bed with my bitter unhappiness and each morning I awoke with an anxiety and sense of doom that filled my chest and stomach.  Thoughts of resigning kept entering my mind but I still refused to let go of this ‘boulder’ that I was carrying even though  it kept getting heavier.

One day, literally ‘out of the blue’, a former colleague of mine called my mobile and asked if I would be interested in a job at his organization.  He needed someone to work alongside himm providing the sorts of skills and expertise that I had.  He even said that we could work out a salary package that would be no less than what I was currently earning mentioning a figure that corresponded with my current salary.   I could not believe what was happening.  I had not been in touch with this person for at least two years and as far as I knew, he did not know where I was working, in what capacity and how much I was earning.  It was all I needed to hand in my resignation which, by the way, I had already written!  So I did.

The following day was my last day at work and I could not wait to get back home and contact my ex-colleague.  Now this is the part that is going to sound bizarre.  All my attempts to contact him failed!  I could not get him by phone, email or mobile and despite leaving messages for him, I never heard from him again.  All these years later, I still haven’t!  I have to admit that there were times in the months that followed when I seriously doubted if I had actually received a call from him!  The whole episode certainly seemed inexplicable any other way and yet, I know I did get that call.

Looking back on that experience with the benefit of distance and time, it is easy to recognize the signs that were first hinting at, then encouraging and finally forcing me to move on.  I just refused to pay attention to them.  Clearly, I was not flowing with the Way.

If I had allowed myself to listen to my feelings and be guided by them, I would have acknowledged the intense unhappiness I was feeling instead of constantly trying to overcome it by dwelling on the injustice I perceived, a perception that came out of my ego-mind/thinking.  Having allowed myself to feel and explore that unhappiness, I would have then been able to come to a point of free choice – Would I stay and if I did, would I make the changes I needed to make rather than demand them of someone else or would I leave?

I would have further explored these options by observing how I intuitively felt about each one.  Neither was necessarily better than the other but it was important to allow myself to respond freely to each, acknowledging how ‘prepared’ I was for each option. I would have then confidently and lovingly made the choice that was most appropriate at the time, most closely aligned with the Way.

How do I know this?  Because since that experience many years ago, I have been learning and practicing being in the flow, in the Way, and making my decisions from this place.  And I have found this an incredibly easier and more peaceful way of making decisions.  I have also felt much more confident about my decisions.

Admittedly, people around me tend to get more anxious for me than I do myself, often causing them to want to hurry me along or force me into so-called rational or pragmatic decisions.  And admittedly, it is not always easy to avoid being sucked into this way of thinking and acting.  But, I realize that to make decisions or choices without being aligned with the Way, in other words, without being aware, is in the long term unhelpful both to me and to the other people involved.  (In fact, in this regard I have found it useful to seek my own inner wisdom rather than solicit advice from others, who, despite meaning well, may not themselves be aligned in awareness).

So, how does all of this line up with ‘retiring once your purpose is achieved’?  As I said in my previous post, there are two parts to this endeavor -  First, recognizing when your purpose is fulfilled and second,  retiring, moving on.

To recognize when your purpose has been fulfilled, it is necessary to go back to when you first considered doing whatever it was you undertook to do. You would need to honestly ask yourself:  Why did I do it?  What were your thoughts, feelings and intentions back then. Next, you would have to honestly ask yourself:  Has that been accomplished? If yes, then regardless of how much else has been achieved, you know it is time to move on.  You can acknowledge all the ‘extras’ as just that – extras.  But you can now move on without regret.

If, on the other hand, your purpose has not been achieved, then you can choose to stay on but only if you are prepared to make the changes necessary to help you continue where you are in a healthy and productive way.

What most of us find difficult to do is to ‘let go‘, to ‘move on’ (which I discussed in my previous post).  In my case, my initial purpose was to get a job in a field, which on the face of it, seemed far removed from all my previous work experience.  However, once that purpose had been fulfilled, I could not let go.  I stayed on for other reasons, reasons which in the long term caused me to behave in ways that hindered rather than aided my ability to bring the best to my job and to my life more generally.

Perhaps you have had a similar experience or are currently going through one.  Perhaps it relates to a relationship with another person or an object such as a house or car.  Perhaps it relates to a certain habit or activity such as watching the television or following a certain diet.  How did you handle it?  Were you able to retire when your purpose had been fulfilled?  What difficulties did you experience?  Or did you have to be forced out of it kicking and screaming?

Lucy Lopez

Learning to live the wisdom of the Tao post by post!

John Howard

Image taken from the Age

9. Retire

Fill a cup to its brim and it is easily spilled

Temper a sword to its hardest and it is easily broken

Amass the greatest treasure and it is easily stolen

Claim credit and honour and you easily fall

Retire once your purpose is achieved – this is natural

Translation variously sourced and compiled at www.chinapage.com

I’ve noticed that weeds are just plants that have overgrown their welcome.  Know what I mean?  If they just knew when to stop, they could quite easily cohabit with other plants.  But unfortunately, they just don’t seem to get what Lao Tze is telling us here and so make a nuisance of themselves!

But plants are not the only weeds around.  I’m sure we’ve all encountered human ‘weeds’ too; people who just don’t know when to stop.  It may have been someone who literally overstayed their welcome whether in your home, organization or country.  I am thinking, for instance, of guests who have become too reliant on your hospitality or people in management roles who have stayed too long and have nothing fresh to offer their organization or prime ministers (see The Age report) or presidents (see this CNN poll) who have refused to give up their positions of power.

Now, whilst it’s easy to recognize weed-like behavior in others, what is less recognizable is our own weed-like behavior.  You see, I think that we too sometimes lack the awareness and the will to know when ‘enough is enough’, when we need to pull back and let things take their course.

Pulling back and letting go, or ‘retiring‘, as the Tao Te Ching describes it is not so easy to do especially when you feel you’ve invested so much into something.  It’s your ‘baby‘ and I mean that literally as well as metaphorically.  No one else knows it as well as you do.  No one else will care for it or manage it as successfully as you can.  And so, with this kind of thinking, we hold on tightly to the reins of our ‘baby’.

What we don’t realize is that the original creative energy that we had expanded into our ‘baby’ has reached its capacity and is starting to spill (disperse), break or get ‘stolen’, often by the very ‘baby’ itself.  The baby wants to use what you have invested in it to do its own creative work and understandably so.  If it was allowed to do this, it would not need to ‘steal’ from your investment.  Instead, it would acknowledge, use and build on what you have built freely and gratefully without shame or inhibition!    This is natural.  In fact, the creative work/output of your ‘baby’ is surely a testament to the great work that was put into it by you!

It’s not that by letting go of the reins we are admitting that we have nothing more to contribute and no more creative work left to do.  Hardly.  Rather, we are moving aside for fresh creative work by others and moving toward fresh creative work for ourselves somewhere else, in a different capacity perhaps or in a different environment.

Lao Tze also makes a point about claiming credit and honor, warning us that if we do, we will fall (flat on our face, I might add ).  Have you ever wondered why this is so?  Here is what I think.

When we try to claim credit and honor for ourselves, we fail to recognize the interconnected nature of our lives.  If you were to honestly ask yourself how you might be solely responsible for a particular outcome, you will find that there was never a point when you were ‘alone‘ in your creative work for there is an interconnectedness permeating our very existence.  Could you have done your creative work, for instance, without the particular circumstances at the time?  Could you have done it if not for all the experiences you’d had up till that point?  Could you have done it if not for all the people and things that were involved in those experiences?

At any given time, we are the product of all our history up until that point and it is on that history that we draw when we work towards our goals, often unconsciously.  To claim credit and honor for ourselves is to undermine the role of this history whether or not you believe your ability to do your creative work came about because or despite it! It also reinforces our erroneous perception of ‘separation‘ which in turn prevents us from drawing freely and fully from the Way, the source of all energy!

So, yes, we need to learn when to retire and we do that by recognizing when our purpose is fulfilled.  And when is that?  I’d like to take that point up in my next post.

Lucy Lopez

Learning to live the Wisdom of the Tao post by post!