Image from Project Gutenherg
9. Retire
Fill a cup to its brim and it is easily spilled
Temper a sword to its hardest and it is easily broken
Amass the greatest treasure and it is easily stolen
Claim credit and honour and you easily fall
Retire once your purpose is achieved – this is natural
Translation variously sourced and compiled at www.chinapage.com
I said I would take up the point about recognizing when our ‘purpose is fulfilled‘. How do we do this? What are the signs that we might look for to know that it is time to move on?
Many years ago, I had a well-paid job that I had carefully engineered my way into. No, I did not do anything unethical to secure it. I just happened to know how to put my best foot forward, so to speak, and match my qualifications and experience as tightly as I could with what the employer wanted. It is a skill that I sill use when I help people put their resumes together and prepare for job interviews.
Without wanting to go into too many details here, I will say that I was desperately unhappy in this job. One person in particular seemed to make my life miserable; at least that was what I believed. Today, I realize that my misery was a choice I made, lacking in awareness as I did back then. It was certainly not something that was forced upon me as if I were a helpless victim.
Anyway, I held on to that job because it paid well and it gave me a sense of power and purpose. Again, that was what I believed it did. Things kept getting worse and the more I sought to retain control, the less I was able to. It got so bad that my body started expressing my fears, my rapid loss of control and my increasing sense of resentment and injustice. I would frequently feel nauseous and my skin broke out in what looked like blisters except that they were rather dense and could not be punctured.
I knew deep down that I should leave but I was afraid to. I didn’t know if I would get another job like that. I was afraid to lose whatever it was I thought I had – financial security, prestige, power. Each morning I went to bed with my bitter unhappiness and each morning I awoke with an anxiety and sense of doom that filled my chest and stomach. Thoughts of resigning kept entering my mind but I still refused to let go of this ‘boulder’ that I was carrying even though it kept getting heavier.
One day, literally ‘out of the blue’, a former colleague of mine called my mobile and asked if I would be interested in a job at his organization. He needed someone to work alongside himm providing the sorts of skills and expertise that I had. He even said that we could work out a salary package that would be no less than what I was currently earning mentioning a figure that corresponded with my current salary. I could not believe what was happening. I had not been in touch with this person for at least two years and as far as I knew, he did not know where I was working, in what capacity and how much I was earning. It was all I needed to hand in my resignation which, by the way, I had already written! So I did.
The following day was my last day at work and I could not wait to get back home and contact my ex-colleague. Now this is the part that is going to sound bizarre. All my attempts to contact him failed! I could not get him by phone, email or mobile and despite leaving messages for him, I never heard from him again. All these years later, I still haven’t! I have to admit that there were times in the months that followed when I seriously doubted if I had actually received a call from him! The whole episode certainly seemed inexplicable any other way and yet, I know I did get that call.
Looking back on that experience with the benefit of distance and time, it is easy to recognize the signs that were first hinting at, then encouraging and finally forcing me to move on. I just refused to pay attention to them. Clearly, I was not flowing with the Way.
If I had allowed myself to listen to my feelings and be guided by them, I would have acknowledged the intense unhappiness I was feeling instead of constantly trying to overcome it by dwelling on the injustice I perceived, a perception that came out of my ego-mind/thinking. Having allowed myself to feel and explore that unhappiness, I would have then been able to come to a point of free choice – Would I stay and if I did, would I make the changes I needed to make rather than demand them of someone else or would I leave?
I would have further explored these options by observing how I intuitively felt about each one. Neither was necessarily better than the other but it was important to allow myself to respond freely to each, acknowledging how ‘prepared’ I was for each option. I would have then confidently and lovingly made the choice that was most appropriate at the time, most closely aligned with the Way.
How do I know this? Because since that experience many years ago, I have been learning and practicing being in the flow, in the Way, and making my decisions from this place. And I have found this an incredibly easier and more peaceful way of making decisions. I have also felt much more confident about my decisions.
Admittedly, people around me tend to get more anxious for me than I do myself, often causing them to want to hurry me along or force me into so-called rational or pragmatic decisions. And admittedly, it is not always easy to avoid being sucked into this way of thinking and acting. But, I realize that to make decisions or choices without being aligned with the Way, in other words, without being aware, is in the long term unhelpful both to me and to the other people involved. (In fact, in this regard I have found it useful to seek my own inner wisdom rather than solicit advice from others, who, despite meaning well, may not themselves be aligned in awareness).
So, how does all of this line up with ‘retiring once your purpose is achieved’? As I said in my previous post, there are two parts to this endeavor - First, recognizing when your purpose is fulfilled and second, retiring, moving on.
To recognize when your purpose has been fulfilled, it is necessary to go back to when you first considered doing whatever it was you undertook to do. You would need to honestly ask yourself: Why did I do it? What were your thoughts, feelings and intentions back then. Next, you would have to honestly ask yourself: Has that been accomplished? If yes, then regardless of how much else has been achieved, you know it is time to move on. You can acknowledge all the ‘extras’ as just that – extras. But you can now move on without regret.
If, on the other hand, your purpose has not been achieved, then you can choose to stay on but only if you are prepared to make the changes necessary to help you continue where you are in a healthy and productive way.
What most of us find difficult to do is to ‘let go‘, to ‘move on’ (which I discussed in my previous post). In my case, my initial purpose was to get a job in a field, which on the face of it, seemed far removed from all my previous work experience. However, once that purpose had been fulfilled, I could not let go. I stayed on for other reasons, reasons which in the long term caused me to behave in ways that hindered rather than aided my ability to bring the best to my job and to my life more generally.
Perhaps you have had a similar experience or are currently going through one. Perhaps it relates to a relationship with another person or an object such as a house or car. Perhaps it relates to a certain habit or activity such as watching the television or following a certain diet. How did you handle it? Were you able to retire when your purpose had been fulfilled? What difficulties did you experience? Or did you have to be forced out of it kicking and screaming?
Lucy Lopez
Learning to live the wisdom of the Tao post by post!
Nodding violets in my garden
Bromeliad in bloom in my garden
). Have you ever wondered why this is so? Here is what I think.
